How to Get Your Older Sister to Be Nice to You: 13 Steps (2024)

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Co-authored byRebecca Kason, PsyD

Last Updated: April 2, 2024References

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   Be kind to your sister. It's important to treat others how you want to be treated. If it hurts you when your sister is mean to you, why would you want to cause her that same pain by being mean to her? Being a kind little sister or brother is the first step in getting your older sister to be nice to you.

   • Avoid interacting with her when you're feeling angry. If you're in a bad mood, you're bound to take it out on her. Being mean to her will only make her be mean to you.^[1]
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   Be the mature sibling. Although you are younger, that doesn't mean you have to be immature. Even if your sister is being mean to you, that doesn't make it right for you to be mean back. Instead of fighting back when your sister starts an argument, it's best for you to just walk away.

   • Pick your battles. If your sister tries to start a fight, think about the importance of this fight before you engage. Do you really care about winning this argument? Does the outcome matter to you? Don't waste your time and effort arguing over something stupid.^[2]

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   Do nice things for your sister. Doing things like helping your sister with her chores or offering to help her practice her sport or hobby are great ways to show your sister that you're making an effort to improve your relationship. Hopefully your sister will realize that you are trying to be kind and will, in turn, try to be kind to you.

   • Don't do all of your sisters chores and don't let her take advantage of you. It's best to help with tasks that can benefit from two people. For example, washing and drying dishes.
   • If your sister is in a school play, offer to run lines with her. Or if she plays soccer, offer to practice with her.

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   Avoid sibling rivalry. Since you and your sister are completely different people, you're most likely good at different things. Maybe you're skilled at basketball and your sister is an aspiring actress. Maybe you get great grades and your sister is captain of her volleyball team. Whatever your differences are, embrace them instead of comparing them.

   • For example, don't rub it in your sister's face whenever you get a good grade. Your sister may be self conscious about getting lower grades than you, so don't make her feel bad.
   • Celebrate your sister accomplishments instead of belittling them. If your sister had a great volleyball game, congratulate her instead of being jealous.^[3]

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   Tell your sister how her actions are making you feel. Even though she is really hurting your feelings, your sister may think that she is just joking or playing around with you. It's important that you tell her how her actions are making you feel. Make sure she knows that you are serious and not joking around with her.

   • Be inviting and relaxed when you approach your sister to talk. When you want to talk with your sister, say "I would really appreciate it if we could talk for a few minutes."
   • Tell her how she hurts you and why those actions you feel so bad. Say to your sister "It really hurts my feelings when you ______. It hurts my feelings because _____."
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   Ask your sister if something you're doing is causing her to be mean to you. Big sisters are easily annoyed with younger siblings, so ask your sister if there is something you are doing that is causing your sister to be mean to you. Then, figure out how to fix your actions.

   • Say to your sister "I really want to improve our relationship. Have I done anything to upset or annoy you?"
   • Once she gives you an answer, ask what you can do to be a better sister. Say "What can I do to be a better sibling to you? I really want us to stop fighting so much."
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   Have a fun conversation to bond with your sister. Even though serious conversations are necessary to resolve conflict, bonding over fun and casual conversations is important too. Compliment her on her shoes, tell her that you like the posters she has hung up in her room, ask her about the boy/girl she likes at school. Have a fun conversation with your sister to help you two bond.

   • Be sure to let your sister know that you enjoy spending time with her and that you'd like to do it more often.
   • Big sisters typically like to give advice. If you ask her for advice about fun things like fashion, love, or music, she'll enjoy talking with you.

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   Find common ground between you and your sister. Your older sister may push you away because you are younger. However, showing her that the two of you have common interests may prove to her that your age difference isn't such a big deal. Try to find certain activities, movies, music, or hobbies that you and your sister both enjoy. If your sister starts to enjoy spending time with you, she'll most likely start being nicer to you. For example, when your sister isn't busy, ask her if she wants to kick a soccer ball around the backyard or watch music videos on YouTube.

   • Try watching a weekly TV show together. This will give the two of you some designed sister time while watching a show that you both enjoy.
   • If you both enjoy baking, try baking brownies or cupcakes together.
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   Learn about the things that your sister is interested in. If your sister sees that you are making an effort to learn about her interests, she may begin to gain respect for you. You can show your sister that you're interested in their life by asking inquisitive questions, giving encouragement, and acknowledging things that are important to them.

   • If your sister has a new favorite album, ask her what some of her favorite songs are. Or ask your sister how her day was at school.
   • Encourage your sister when she seems sad by saying "I don't know why you're feeling down, but I know you can get through it!" Or give her some encouragement if she'd feeling nervous about something (let's pretend it's sports) by saying "I know you're nervous about the big game, but I know you'll do great!"^[4]
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   Appreciate your differences. Siblings usually have many differences, even if they've grown up in the same household. Dealing with the differences of age, gender, personality, talents, or interests will help you learn to better relate to others. Instead of hating your differences, learn from them. Finding out what sister cares about most may help you view things differently.

   • Get your sister to appreciate your differences by showing her that you respect her differences. It might take awhile, but your sister will eventually learn to appreciate you for who you are.

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   Create some space between you and your sister. Sharing a room, or even living under the same roof, as your siblings can be aggravating. It's important that you each get a couple hours a day to yourself. If need be, spend some additional time doing homework at a friend's house or at the library to allow you and your sister to some space from one another.^[5]

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   Don't bother your sister when she has friends or her partner over. Everyone needs their own space, their own friends, and their own life. Let your sister enjoy her personal time without bothering her. If she sees that you're giving her space, she'll be more inclined to spend time with you when she doesn't have company over.

   • Younger siblings often annoy big sisters and their friends. Don't be that kind of younger sibling! Only hang out with your sister and her friends if they invite you. If you don't annoy them by bothering them all the time, they may start inviting you to hang out with them all of the time
   • It's important that you have your own friends as well. Think about how you would feel if you were constantly bothered by your sister while you're with your friends. Treat her how you would like to be treated.^[6]
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   Let your sister approach you. It's often said that space allows the heart to grow fonder – this reigns true with siblings as well! Allow her to miss you, all her to want to spend time with you. Even if your big sister doesn't know it, she will miss you if you're not around all time.

   • If your sister approaches you, it will most likely be in a positive way. Wait for her to initiate an interaction instead of always approaching her first.
   • You deserve to have your own life, so enjoy it! Have your own friends and your own hobbies, as this will prove to your sister that you are an individual, not just her annoying little sister.^[7]

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